Today I was told that because I am white, I am inherently racist.
Last night I was told that because I am straight I am inherently homophobic.
There are many things that I am; neither of these statements define me.
THINGS I AM:
- Hungarian Gypsy
- Polish, Irish, German, Russian, Italian, Slovenian
- A long time Martial Artist
- A Unitarian Universalist
- Politically aware
- A writer
- A reader
Martin Luther King Jr. said that he dreamed one day his descendants would live in a world where they were judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin. Yet, here I am, doing my damnedest to judge the character of those I encounter and not their skin colors, religions, sexual preferences, or orientations and being persecuted for it.
My roommate is a Japanese cyborg.
Now that that is out there... expect nothing to ever come of this journal ever again.
So..... I have a friend... and she's a really sweet girl but.... not exactly what you'd call attractive. ((I know I know I'm a horrible person, but it's the truth.)) Anyway said girl is very emotional and likes a lot of boys. She changes her crushes almost weekly....
Anyway..... So she had a party at her apartment last weekend ((she's 20... I don't know if this fact will make a difference to the story or not...)) and she invited a couple of her friends that, we as a group had never met. She invited her friend Joey who's a freshman but forewarned us that he was her "back up" guy and that we were not to hit on him. She also invited her "primary crush" Jon to said party and placed her claim on him as well. Greedy much?
So at this party Audrey and Joey ((back up boy)) start dancing and are getting along really well until greedy friend butts in and forces them away from each other. So you know, during all of this I'm going around dancing and talking to people and I start up this conversation with Jon ((primary crush)). It was an innocent conversation about what he does and how good he is at beer pong. Then of course Apple Bottom Jeans comes on and I go dance. I asked Jon why he wasn't dancing and he mumbled something about not being a dancer because he thinks he looks like an idiot.
Anyway.... By the end of the night the friends that he came to the part with finally got him to the secotion of the apartment where we were dancing. His friends start making fun of him because he's the only one who isn't dancing and ask me to dance with him. So I did. Innocent. He told me I was a better dancer than the Vegas strippers. =)
So no big deal right?
Wrong. Audrey is now 'talking' to Joey ((back up boy)). They've made out and had a coffee date. Now greedy friend is mad at her.
And this was all the build up......
Thursday night Erick had a get together at his apartment. Greedy friend got all excited because Jon ((primary crush)) was going to come. However, when he gets there she refuses to talk to him. She sat in a corner and pouted all night long because he wasn't chasing her down to talk. Now let me state for the record that I didn't say anything to him other than hello for most of the night. Lily, Katie, and I spent our night dancing to really bad music!
So around about 1:30 we all end up in the kitchen were greedy friend has gone to mope. Primary crush Jon started this conversation with everyone ((NOT JUST ME)) about school and what we're majoring in and such. He's 23. He starts talking about panty droppers and I joke with him telling him that he was supposed to have a girl drink it not the other way around. When Greedy friends decides to intervene.
We were all talking about the party at her house and how I wasn't drunk even though Jon thought I was because I was dancing so much...Anyway Greedy friend jumps in with a death glare to me saying something along the lines of "yeah I've never seen him dance before...except with you." Then she jumps off the counter and acts like a human wall between he and I. Weird.
So we all leave the party.....
And I get a facebook message from him once I get home asking for my number. He calls saying something like "we were just starting to talk when you had to leave..." and wanting to hang out that night...but I had class. So we talked about the Red wings and then he said something along the lines of call me if you all go out again this weekend... I'll let you know if there is anything going on...If not I'll see you at Ericks on Thursday.
So yeah.....he's also really cute.... did I mention that? I'm interested...and I think he may be too....I'm a horrible person right? But really.... it's not fare to call dibs on people!
Wow...that was long.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Went to College and everything that's included in that statement. Had my heart broken (nonromanticly).
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't go anywhere this year....
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Less chub. A man.
7. What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 10th. Graduation. July 26th. Incubus concert aka best birthday gift ever. August 25th. College. November 8th. Found out Erin died. November 25th. Funeral.
8. What was your biggest achievements of the year?
Surviving my first semester of college. Have Shannon McNutt give me three inspiring speeches about how she believed in me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
The month of February.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
11. What were the best things you bought?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A lot of people... sometimes myself.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Zack's, Campus Kitchen, and Starbucks.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being a senior (oh what? oh seven) and graduating.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Soulja Boy. Dig.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder by far.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercising... i needed to de-stress more.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With the family....
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
23. How many one-night stands?
24. What was your favorite TV program?
House, Heroes, ANTM, Rock of Love, Tila Tiquila.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
26. What was the best book you read?
I've read a lot of crap books this year... Pride and Prejudice I guess.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Into the Woods...haha ah... The Maccabees, Debussy, Yiruma, Lily Allen
28. What did you want and get?
A good roommate. To go to the Incubus concert.
29. What did you want and not get?
Into a BFA program.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno, Stardust, Across the Universe
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had dinner with my parents...it was father's day. I was 18.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Going to the school that I picked....
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Classy yet sassy....haha my clothes are me.
34. What kept you sane?
My music. And my best friends.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jason Mraz, Brandon Boyd.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm not sure...
37. Who did you miss?
Chelsey and Judy and Shannon and Chambrigals.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Camille, Audrey, Katie.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
It's not over until I've given up.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Hands in Line arms close to my side
I'm fighting tides of an ocean's undertow
And I figure that I might not make it
I'm taking empty but seldom speaking
And the words retreat, they breath in histories
Still at ease and the story's untold
And my arms unfold
My hands are high, and I'm holding on, I'm holding out
Figure that I just might make it
And I'm waking empty but seldom sleeping
And the words repeat breathing histories
Into stories untold but I unfold
I interviewed this guy last night for a paper I have to write. It was supposed to be a half hour interview...we were at that coffee house for an hour and a half.
It was so nice to have a real conversation with someone for a change. By conversation I mean about something deep that interests both of us.
We talked about music. His music and music in general. How it effects our lives on a deeper level and what it means to us. It was so...mentally stimulating.
I feel like I haven't had a deep meaningful conversation with a member of the opposite sex in a million years. I just can't describe adequately how wonderful it was.
And aside from the face that the conversation was excellent this boy was also very crushable.
1. Was totally into being interviewed even though we had never met.
2. Was really excited to meet me and have a conversation.
3. Put a lot of thought into his answers, wanted to give me the best he could offer.
5. When I said last question he was actually disappointed. "e "It can't be the last one. There's got to
be something else we can talk about." "e
6. Once my questions were done he asked me about me and what I thought about music and college
7. Insisted on driving me back to the dorm when he found out that I didn't have a car.
8. When I pointed out that the walk wasn't that bad, that I'd be fine, and that he didn't have to go out of his
way he said "e "Yeah but it's a lonely walk."
9. He's a singer
10. He plays the piano, guitar, drums, and bass.
11. Not to mention that he's beautiful...if a bit on the skinny side...
Of course who knows if I'll ever see him again?
- Music:The Way You Make Me Feel: Michael Jackson
It's interesting to think that my life has changed completely. I still feel like I'm at summer camp and in a few weeks my parents will come pick me up and I'll realize how much I missed home. I cried as I watched Judy fade away into the smoggy Chicago city line.
Then again I saw my parents two days ago and it was a horrible experience.
I didn't cry when I left home. I didn't cry when my parents left me here. I didn't cry when I realize that I had no friends on the first night. I didn't cry when all my friends left for school before me.
I cried for two hours, finally realizing that I was not at school with my two best friends. It finally hit me that I was going to be at Western Michigan, my absolutely last choice, the school forced upon me, for at least two years. It hit me that three days in Chicago I had a group to hang out with, laugh with, and feel comfortable around, but in over a week I couldn't find anyone besides my roommate to hang with at my real school.
My parents told me that it was next to impossible that I'd be able to ever transfer to Columbia. They said I couldn't afford it and they wouldn't be able to help me. They basically crushed my dreams. Or at least made me feel defeated. I don't know what to do any more.
I'm seriously doubting everything. Maybe I'm not cut out for this path I've chosen. Maybe I'm too sensitive for a hard life like the one I want to lead. Maybe I should go be a nurse or something....
It was pathetic. I'm pathetic.
I miss my bed. I miss my air conditioning. I miss my friends.
Well here i am
i'm sitting alone again
i'm staring up at the sky
which at this lonely moment is my only friend
and suddenly as i gazed upon the night
well i notice the stars
they began to shake and dance and burst
and fall into the darkness
they exploded down
i knew what i had to do
i ran up to the top of the hill
and i took ahold for you
you were the sweetest star that fell
and yes, i held onto it close
to the numbness in my heart
New layout : Check
New out look on life: Check
New attitude: Check
Ready to use LJ again: Check
Okay, lets see how long this sticks. :)
So remember when I said Oh yeah, Alex is my back up-he wont say no.
I'm an idiot.
Anyone know a cute single guy just itching to go to prom with me?
And life just keeps on disappointing you....
Big fat rejection from Cincinnati.
Western Michigan here I come..... Fuck.
Well there you have it. Wishes don't come true. Sondheim is a big fat lier.